sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
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You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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