hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
