yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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