Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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