I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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