What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
