It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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