and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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