That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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