I wannas sexs uuuuu
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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