Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
