WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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