can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
They took my balls.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
