I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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