I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
