I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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