I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
