when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Please don't give away my fajitas
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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