Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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