Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
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He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
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My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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