Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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