shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
