Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
