He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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