I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
