After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Shame - the story of my life.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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