she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
false alarm, still single
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