I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
