Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
