I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
