Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
