I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
