What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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