I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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