Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
