I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize