i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
