apparently the secret to your success is patron
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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