highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she peed on how many people?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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