I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize