were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
