mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
