He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
