I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
