Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
