I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
