I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
