I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
