i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
you're hired as official boob wrangler
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
