i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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