dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
