i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
