Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
