woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
