i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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