I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
