the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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