I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
