yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
