i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
