I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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