I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
