So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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