I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
