I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
