Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
