I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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