her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
