I just pynch a tree in the face
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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