My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
