Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
