garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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