My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
