But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
