Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
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Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
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Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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