I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
