Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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