It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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