ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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