Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
