Texts From Last Night

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  (515): View more from Iowa

  You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  Deal!

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  (515): You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit. (1-515): Deal! http://tfl.nu/vj0b
  Replies (20) Good night (7786) Bad night (552)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed

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  (504): i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed http://tfl.nu/6hho
  Replies (17) Good night (6855) Bad night (923)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.

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  (845): I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard. http://tfl.nu/kj6h
  Replies (31) Good night (6735) Bad night (1186)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.

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  (608): He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake. http://tfl.nu/cs4d
  Replies (7) Good night (3677) Bad night (1114)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.

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  (212): It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls. http://tfl.nu/fa0p
  Replies (24) Good night (5599) Bad night (1017)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.

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  (404): I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway. http://tfl.nu/geao
  Replies (10) Good night (2499) Bad night (3620)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.

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  (913): I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids. http://tfl.nu/b3me
  Replies (9) Good night (4248) Bad night (1341)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."

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  (206): Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't." http://tfl.nu/2qab
  Replies (3) Good night (1825) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair

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  (914): Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair http://tfl.nu/v5lw
  Replies (1) Good night (1598) Bad night (321)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good

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  (757): You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good http://tfl.nu/ql8q
  Replies (8) Good night (686) Bad night (298)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over

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  (717): if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over http://tfl.nu/5a4u
  Replies (3) Good night (1265) Bad night (299)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.

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  (407): I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend. http://tfl.nu/eu14
  Replies (1) Good night (584) Bad night (212)
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him

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  (979): I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him http://tfl.nu/6x5z
  Replies (4) Good night (478) Bad night (265)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.

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  (757): I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am. http://tfl.nu/vke9
  Replies (0) Good night (408) Bad night (234)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....

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  (850): I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up.... http://tfl.nu/p40l
  Replies (1) Good night (230) Bad night (396)

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