just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
