it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.