I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize