absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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