ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
