come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
